EIGHT CAREGIVING MAXIMS FOR DEALING WITH PERPLEXING BEHAVIOUR
• Don’t try and stop people with dementia from doing something just because it isn’t being done ‘properly’. Don’t take over - give them time to do things in their own way at their own pace.
• People with dementia understand far more than they are ever given credit for. Take care what is said in their presence and don’t exclude them from conversations or decisions.
• Bossiness is Just Not On. It’s very easy to confuse ‘caring’ with ‘controlling’ and nothing winds up any one of us more than the sense that someone else is controlling our lives. And if someone can’t find the words to protest, then resistance or aggressive actions will ensue.
• Ask the question, ‘Who’s it a problem for – us or them?’ If it’s us, we should be old and ugly enough to let things ride. Does it really matter that he wants to go to bed with trousers on, eats mashed potato with her fingers, says there are little green men in the garden? Don’t scold, argue or contradict. Go With The Flow, however bizarre it seems.
• Preserve their autonomy for as long as possible by giving them choice (e.g. what clothes to wear) and celebrate what they can still do, rather than bemoan what they can’t. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
• There’s nearly always a reason for agitation –often something or somebody in the environment. Try to spot the cause and change it if possible. If you encounter resistance, walk away and try again later.
• If they can’t enter our world, we must enter theirs and affirm it. Forget reality orientation – what day is it, who’s the Prime Minister – who cares? Be prepared to time-travel backwards into their personal history and enjoy fantastic adventures with them in their ‘real’ world instead. If we have to indulge in a few white lies – such as answering the ‘fact’ that “I need to make the children’s tea” with “Really? What’s their favourite?”- when was it a sin to make someone happy?
• Look behind the illness and reach out to the frightened person still in there who needs to feel secure, respected and cherished.
• Don’t try and stop people with dementia from doing something just because it isn’t being done ‘properly’. Don’t take over - give them time to do things in their own way at their own pace.
• People with dementia understand far more than they are ever given credit for. Take care what is said in their presence and don’t exclude them from conversations or decisions.
• Bossiness is Just Not On. It’s very easy to confuse ‘caring’ with ‘controlling’ and nothing winds up any one of us more than the sense that someone else is controlling our lives. And if someone can’t find the words to protest, then resistance or aggressive actions will ensue.
• Ask the question, ‘Who’s it a problem for – us or them?’ If it’s us, we should be old and ugly enough to let things ride. Does it really matter that he wants to go to bed with trousers on, eats mashed potato with her fingers, says there are little green men in the garden? Don’t scold, argue or contradict. Go With The Flow, however bizarre it seems.
• Preserve their autonomy for as long as possible by giving them choice (e.g. what clothes to wear) and celebrate what they can still do, rather than bemoan what they can’t. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
• There’s nearly always a reason for agitation –often something or somebody in the environment. Try to spot the cause and change it if possible. If you encounter resistance, walk away and try again later.
• If they can’t enter our world, we must enter theirs and affirm it. Forget reality orientation – what day is it, who’s the Prime Minister – who cares? Be prepared to time-travel backwards into their personal history and enjoy fantastic adventures with them in their ‘real’ world instead. If we have to indulge in a few white lies – such as answering the ‘fact’ that “I need to make the children’s tea” with “Really? What’s their favourite?”- when was it a sin to make someone happy?
• Look behind the illness and reach out to the frightened person still in there who needs to feel secure, respected and cherished.
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